Lovingkindness

"Love is the affinity which links and draws together the elements of the world... Love, in fact, is the agent of universal synthesis."

~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Niceness is Not Love
One way to contact the sacred is to connect to the love in your heart. Loving-kindness is a Buddhist spiritual tradition that invokes friendliness and love - which can grow with daily practice.

Practicing lovingkindness is an antidote to selfishness, anger, and fear. Yet, one of the biggest mistakes you could make in this practice is to pressure yourself to always be nice. Niceness often comes from a concern about appearances and trying to belong in a group.

Lovingkindness is concerned with the genuine happiness of others. And so, depending upon the situation, it is not always appropriate to be "nice." If a person in your life is acting destructively, it is inappropriate to enable their destructive behaviour.

Sometimes, in the best interest of another's growth, a difficult person might need to be told things they do not want to hear and shown that what they are doing is not okay.

When it is impossible to reason with someone mired in ego dysfunction, you can practice loving-kindness internally in the meditation process below. This practice can help relieve guilt, worry, fear, anger and sadness.

Cultivating Loving-Kindness
Note: There is no need to feel loving or kind during this practice initially. Meditate upon your intention to experience more love. However weak or strong it may presently be. You will water the seeds of your good intentions in this lovingkindness practice.

Loving Yourself
Loving-kindness is first practiced toward yourself since you cannot love others without loving yourself first. Gently close your eyes and begin with a few deep breaths. Check in with yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally to see how you need to love yourself.

Choose specific words and phrases that evoke a "boundless warm-hearted feeling" for yourself in your loving-kindness meditation. Sitting quietly, repeat, slowly and steadily, the following or similar phrases that feel right for you:

Repeat: May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I protected from inner and outer harm.

Loving Someone You Enjoy
Consider a person in your life who is easy to care about. This could be your partner, a good friend or perhaps an animal. Imagine them sitting in front of you, looking into your eyes.

Repeat: May you be happy. May you be well. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be protected from inner and outer harm.

While you say these phrases, sink into the kind intentions they express. If feelings of warmth, friendliness, or love arises in your body or mind, connect to them, and watch them grow as you repeat the phrases.

Loving Someone You Don't Enjoy
As you continue this meditation, think of a family member, a friend, a neighbour, an acquaintance, or a stranger with whom you are having difficulties.

Repeat: You can either use the same phrases as above, repeating them again and again, or make up phrases that better represent the loving-kindness you want to feel toward a person that you are having difficulty with.

Sometimes, during a loving-kindness meditation, opposite feelings to love, such as anger, grief, or sadness, will arise. This can be a sign that your heart is softening and clearing the way for more love to flow. Direct loving-kindness towards your feelings of anger, grief, or sadness when they arise.